Baubles and all that

What is Coaching?

We often have a bag of clutter that we carry around in our brains, how do we de-clutter it? In the world of home declutter Marie Kondo suggests only keeping the things that bring you joy! That’s probably a bit of a stretch in terms of the things that we might have to get done (like putting away the laundry) but a brain declutter can definitely bring us joy! My brain has sometimes been so full of ‘stuff’ that it’s hard to know where to begin. I have had piles of thoughts and ideas hanging around ’just in case’ or that ‘might come in useful’, which just builds up until there’s no space to move or know where to start. It can be so overwhelming, like looking around at the piles of clothes you’ve accumulated, or the random stuff that has no ‘place’ and is never used (anyone else have an unused potato ricer?). We collate all kinds of information and tasks ‘for later’. We also worry about forgetting, which is inevitable when we have so much going on in our minds. Having a tidy, a sort and letting go of things frees up space for the things that we need to do, that we want to do, and that we enjoy. Here is how to get started: - First do a big brain dump, get all of your thoughts out there on display - Second- don’t panic! Get a cup of tea (or drink of your choice) and a snack full of energy! Now you are ready to sort that brain dump. You could sort it according to Marie Kondo and go with what brings you the most joy, or according to what is the most important, But the most important thing is to have a category of what you want to keep, what you are not sure of, and what you definitely don’t want or need. Ditch Start with the final section of what you don’t want or need. Actively decide what you are letting go of and that it is not important for you to carry around in your brain anymore. Use the following questions as prompts for your decisions. How long have they been in your brain pile? What would realistically be the impact if you didn’t do/ think about those things? Will keeping hold of this thing bring you joy? Can you hand it over to someone else? Can you let them go? What difference will it make to carry those thoughts and ideas around? If it is important to you, maybe there will be a time when those things come back, either way, it’s ok to let them go right now. Cross out each thing you can let go of until you have a list of things that are important and bring you joy. Not Sure Now we come to the ‘not sure of’ section, have a little sift and consider - Who can help you with these things? - Can you diarise anything for the future? - Are there ideas of things you might want to explore later? Ask for someone to help you with the thoughts or ideas floating around in your head- just talking can help you to sort things outside of your own mind! They might also be able to give you ideas or examples of what works and you might even find they can take something on instead of you! Plan ahead and diarise things into your calendar for later. Finally have an ideas space- a page in a note book or notes app, a noticeboard, an audio note, and make it somewhere you can find easily to come back to what you have written. Have a look at bullet journaling for some inspiration. Keep You have now made it to your top priority list! Whoop! Whether that’s what brings you joy or what is important to you, isn’t THIS where you want to focus your energy? My top tips for this section are to look at what you can do and enjoy right now! You can then also enjoy that they are now off of the list and out of your head. Diarise what you can and plan how you will enjoy those moments or ideas. Now you have had a big clear out and de-clutter, how do you prevent it building back up again? A key here is to work on your mindset and how you view your thoughts and ideas. Regularly practice mindfulness, be aware of your thoughts, but allow them to come and go, remembering that what is important will get done, and that our thoughts and feelings do not make us who we are, that we can choose if and how we respond to those thoughts. Practising acceptance of letting go is also vital here- to de-clutter you have to be prepared to let go of things. Being able let go becomes much easier when you are clear on what your priorities are. Through doing the big de-clutter activity, you will have now got an idea of what your priority areas are and what to let go of as well as how. Remind yourself of those priorities. Talking to others regularly before our brains get full is so helpful. Part of this is just a way to decompress and by talking you will naturally be able to identify some priority areas. Also as above, others can help you with their experiences and advice as well as potentially doing something which relieves you of your tasks. Part of what creates the clutter that we create in our minds is the constantly being ’on’ and available through the smart technology we have. If you have an idea or thought, it can exponentially be expanded through a quick Google Search. Smart phones mean you are constantly available to people and apps. To keep our brains de-cluttered, regular technology free time is vital! My final tip is if you have an idea or thought execute it now- you will have a sense of achievement, you will have less going round in your brain and be ready to focus on what you want to focus on. If you are procrastinating, what can you do to make a decision on something and execute it? Take action and feel less de-cluttered. In summary: Categorise your clutter into: - Keep - Not sure - Ditch Go through each section and have a clear out, leaving space for the things that are most important to you! Then to prevent getting into that cluttered state again: Practice Mindfulness Prioritise and let go Talk Switch off from technology regularly Take action. Ahh, feeling a bit freer now? A bit more like you know how to focus on the things that you want to focus on with out all of the piles of things in the way? Great! For more tips and tools like this bouncing into your inbox, join my mailing list here .

Would you like to engage and indulge in more of your interests after work? You are in the right place! Work is particularly challenging right now for most of us, with a constantly shifting context of Covid. It can leave you feeling exhausted and without any energy at all. We all have an individual energy pot and if it is depleted, it takes time and practice to refill and be in an energetic frame of mind. A change in mindset is like a breath of fresh air. You have heard the phrase ‘a change is as good as a rest’, well this is about changes that give our minds a rest and new energy, if not our bodies too! Following these tips will help you to enjoy your time outside of work. These tips will specifically help to reduce the negative energy drain from your evening and increase your mental and emotional energy. Leave work at work Easy to say but hard to do! Try to leave whatever you can at your desk, or in the boot of your car or in a specific place at home. It is important to try to separate work from home as much as possible. Turn off the work phone, email notifications and put away work if you are working from home in a communal area. If you have to work out of hours make it a fixed time. And try to stick to it. Spend 5 minutes at the end of every day brain dumping anything you need to offload from the day and writing a basic three priorities for the next morning. At the end write 3 positives from your working day, so you leave with the energy of what you HAVE achieved. Change your state Make a defined change from work to home. You could do something to physically change your state and get those endorphins going, like going for a walk or run around the block, have a dance, do some yoga or stretching. You could also physically change your state with a nice afternoon snack or drink- something you will look forward to which helps you arrive into the post-work state. Or maybe you could change your state mentally by listening to, reading or watching something motivating such as some music, a meditation practice, a comedy show, a podcast, or a book. Have a think and list out the things that you have done in the past which have helped you to change your state, like reading/ listening to a book on your commute, catching up with friends and family, walking through the park on your way home, getting a takeaway coffee. Worried that you don’t have the time? In pre-Covid times we would have been commuting an average of an hour a day (https://www.tuc.org.uk/news/annual-commuting-time-21-hours-compared-decade-ago-finds-tuc). You can still make this time part of your working day. It can take just 5 minutes to change your state- give it a go and see! Talk Make time to talk with family and friends. This is so important! We are social beings and if feeling run down, tired and under threat we have a natural tendency to isolate, but talking to others brings fresh energy. Interacting with others helps to get us out of our own context and hearing about someone else’s day helps to shake off any work thoughts. You can share your challenges if it helps to offload and hear about theirs. Most importantly, identify the positives for both/all of you, the best part of your day or what worked well. This helps you to feel more motivated and positive. Set an intention Sometimes when we are low on energy, everything feels too much, but there are things we want to do. It can feel too overwhelming to start. What helps is to decide (in advance if possible) what you want to get out of your evening/ weekend. Rather than a task list, think about how you want to finish that time feeling or having enjoyed. Examples might be: an intention to run with the kids imagination, an intention to be kind to myself and practice some self-care, an intention to be curious and enjoy learning something new. These intentions help you focus on the quality of your time and the positive things you want to come from it. This means that you can move around tasks according to how much energy you have and what you feel motivated to do. Be present We all have so much more energy if we are in the present moment. Those thoughts about the past and the future are often laden with anxiety and worry. But also they mean that we are using energy which takes us away from what is right in front of us, things we could be enjoying right now! Thoughts about the future and past will inevitably come into your head. It takes practice, but the thing to do is to remind yourself that it is okay to have those thoughts and the more it's okay to have those thoughts the more easily you will be able to let them pass by. You can imagine the thoughts as clouds in the sky which pass by from time to time. To re-cap: Leave work at work Physically and mentally leave work at work Change your state Especially for people working from home, it is really important to transition from work to home Talk Share your positives as well as any challenges. This is really helpful in the current C-19 situation where you may not be seeing or speaking to colleagues much either Set an Intention Identify what you would like to get out of your time. Not a task, but an overall approach or feeling Be present Be here, in this moment and enjoy it! Let’s do this together! Come and join my lovely Facebook group- Aspire Change, Thrive and let's share how this is going!

Argh! Overwhelm!! That feeling of being submerged and under the water in rough seas (I’m feeling a bit sea-sick writing this). Catch this rubber ring- help is at hand. Overwhelm is a combination of things building up over time, so here’s a simple combination of things to ease it. Let go You are one person with limited capacity. You physically cannot do everything but you can give yourself the space to do the important things. Give yourself permission to let things go. This means taking things off of the to do list AND acknowledging and accepting that it is ok to do so. By letting other things go, you are able to focus on what you can do and what you will do. This sets you up to feel more on top of things. Think for instance, about things you have had on your list for ages and never get done. What difference will it make to accept that they are not important right now and to take them off of the list? Visualise that weight lifting off of your shoulders and your mind being freed up for the important stuff. Prioritise Decide which areas are the most important and focus your activity around those. This might be a changing picture according to whether your overwhelm is related to just work, or home or all of it. Have a daily priority list, aiming to complete three tasks a day. You may need to have 2 lists- one for work and one for home, but keep it to 3 priorities per day on each. On the days when you complete more than three tasks your sense of achievement will be greater. You will feel in more in control. This also sets you up to recognise what you are actually achieving and succeeding in. Talk We are social beings, however in times of fear and stress the tendency is to go within ourselves and to isolate. Talking to others gives us the chance to offload, get some context and get some help. Sometimes the constant noise in our head means we cannot see the wood for the trees, but talking out loud can really help us to sift things out and get clearer on what it is that is overwhelming us. Our brains have a tendency to reinforce the beliefs and ideas we have, so by checking in with others we can start to filter out what is based on our assumption, what is helpful and what is unhelpful. We also get fresh ideas and thoughts from another perspective. They may also be able to help lift your burden by taking on some of the things you are struggling with or by giving you suggestions about how you can do them more easily or quickly. Another benefit of talking to others is that you might be able to help them too! Manage your expectations Your expectations can have a huge impact on how overwhelmed you feel. The more your expectations are realistic and relevant to you, the less likely you are to feel overwhelmed. This means ensuring that they are aligned to your capabilities, to your interests, to the way that you work as a person. Your expectations need to be achievable, otherwise you will always feel like you are falling short. Remind yourself that we are all wonderful in our own ways- that we are imperfect perfect human beings. An expectation that it is really helpful to have is that we will show ourselves kindness and understanding about our imperfections, which make us who we are! Understand your energy (no, I’m not being woo!) Any task isn't just a time-limited task. Each task takes a different balance of physical energy, mental energy, and emotional energy. By understanding the energy needs of each task, we can be more realistic about how much time it take us to complete and how much time we need to reenergise. Have a think about the tasks you want to complete and how much physical, emotional and mental energy each one takes up. For the energy it takes, thing about how you replenish that energy. Then you can plan out your time in a way that considers what you need and means you are not getting burned out. So in summary: Let go of tasks and accept that this is ok, and in fact really helpful for you Prioritise stick to a top 3 priority list every day Talk to others and get a different perspective (outside of your own head) and support Check your expectations work on what is realistic for YOU. Be kind to yourself Understand your energy plan according to the physical, mental and emotional energy tasks take and how you can replenish that Taking yourself through the steps and doing these things on a regular basis means you can not only reduce overwhelm but begin to prevent it - doesn't that sound wonderful?! Let me know how it works for you :o) Join my email list here for more information, support, tips and tools.

Find out how to switch off and be present in the things you want to do

We're a month into 2020 and shops are already selling Easter products! Easter is a time of new beginnings and hope, so why not set your new goals now too? February is also a time of full on love hearts and romance, according to all the adverts I have seen. But this could be just the opportunity you need. That is, to be romantic with yourself, practice self-love, putting yourself and your goals at the centre of your focus. It may sound like a simple thing to do, but prioritising you isn't always easy. Using a straightforward goal setting tool can help get you started, so this month, I'll be exploring SMART goal setting. Using this tool means that we are more likely to achieve our goals. SMART stands for Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant and Timed. Specific - the more specific your goal is, the more you know exactly what it is you want to achieve, and what it will look like when you have succeeded Measurable - this will tell you clearly when you have reached your goal and when you can celebrate your achievements Achievable - this goal has to be something you can achieve. It has to be realistic. It should be aspirational but also must be something you can actually envision being able to complete. Relevant - Most importantly, the goals we set need to be right for us. This means not just the way someone else has done it or something you feel you 'should do'. It is useful to have a reality check, and understand what that will that actually look like, sound like and feel like. Think about what you are aiming for and how this goal will make that difference. A good example of this is imagining winning the lottery. The money will improve lots of practicalities, but what then? It won't change the relationships you have, your skills, knowledge or any beliefs you have about yourself. So, what would you change that would make a difference to you, to your life, to your happiness? Timed - set yourself a realistic timescale for achieving your goal. It must be a manageable timescale for you. As a coach, I continue to change and develop, and use smart goals to plan each step along the way. February 14th is a great opportunity to reflect and plan what you can do for your greater happiness and contentment. What are your goals? Are they SMART? I'm here if you would like to work on smartening up your goals with me, I'm sure it won't take long to get you on track.

What awesome possibilities this year holds for you! January 2019 happened to coincide with my decision to practice as a coach. This was both outside of my main employment and outside of my comfort zone. I decided to feel the fear and do it anyway- to just give it a go! It involved (and still does!) a lot of learning and doubts along the way. One of the tools I used as part of the process of practicing as a coach was journalling. This was key to recognising and overcoming my negative beliefs, as well as holding on to the positives and maintaining my motivation. Many coaches and counsellors recommend journalling as having a wide range of benefits including reducing stress, improving wellbeing, increasing productivity and tackling those negative limiting beliefs as they arise. Here's a summary of what I learned through my journalling. What is journalling? Basically it is reflecting on your day (ideally daily), and the thoughts and feelings you have . You can add planning elements to your process if it helps you but this isn't necessary (and is sometimes counterproductive). Why is it useful? 'Writing it down' means getting thoughts and feelings 'out of your system'. You can then process what is happening for you, reflecting on the context, what led up to you feeling that way and identifying patterns. You can also consolidate positive behaviours that you have demonstrated as well as challenging the behaviours or thoughts that are unhelpful to you. How to do it? There are many ways to journal but I found the key elements are: Be honest - journalling is to help you, and you need to start with a real picture of what is happening. Do it as close as possible to daily, to form a habit and to start identifying patterns Use tools that work for you- if you are a visual thinker, buy a blank notebook and use images or diagrams. If you prefer a written page, find a nice notebook that you will enjoy writing in. You can also find lots of useful tools online and apps for your smartphone. Most importantly, if you want to make changes, you need to look at and reflect on your thoughts and feelings, identifying BOTH the positives and negatives. Being aware is a key step to moving forward. You can then use this new information to help you take action towards your goals by: recognising your strengths, what you enjoy, what is motivating you towards your goal/s and what makes a 'good' day. Use this to plan how you can maintain motivation. You could for instance use your journal to record 3 daily positives or 3 things you are grateful for. challenging the negative beliefs you have. You may want to identify where the thought or belief came from, but it is important to find a way of moving forward from this. Writing and regularly reading your own positive affirmations works really well if you write them specifically to challenge each negative belief. The nature of journalling itself means that it can sometimes feel exposing and difficult to know where to start. Please do get in touch if you would like some support or have any questions. When journalling keep in mind that self-awareness is the key to making changes and reaching your goals. While new year is traditionally the time for resolutions, changes can start anytime, many of mine took place when my self awareness and motivation came together at different points in the year. I will be restarting my own journal in the next few months, dedicating time to myself, my own feelings and my achievements and I'm looking forward to getting going! Have you tried journalling? What worked for you? Email me and let me know! All the best for 2020